Peace Greater than Understanding - a confession

I wrote this on Saturday August 24^th while sitting in my son’s hospital room.

One week ago I was craving understanding.  Our middle son, who is 6 years old, was facing some unanswered questions of a serious medical nature.  I prayed, listened for wisdom and perspective from God.  I was desperate for understanding!

I didn’t get a word from God about the specific issues we were facing with our son.  I didn’t hear specific assurances about his future health or this current “threat”.  I did hear words about him as a person:  How courageous he is.  How God was adding courage to him and calling him to be stronger and bolder.  I was only mildly interested in this; it scared me to be honest.  Why did he need more courage?  What was going to happen that would require such an increase in courage?

And I heard Philippians 4:7.  The context is about how God is near and we are to be anxious for nothing, but rather to bring thanksgiving and requests to God.  Then comes verse 7; “And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

This verse haunted me for days prior to our appointment last Tuesday.  I was convicted about my desire for understanding.  I realized that I wanted to understand what was going to happen and why.  I wasn’t interested in hearing other things from God.  I wanted what I wanted and that was to KNOW, to understand!

Here’s my confession:  I was taking the words God was giving me, wisdom from heaven, and subjecting them to my understanding.  God was speaking life into me and into my view of the situation.  These words could have brought peace that was deeper, better, above understanding!  But I wasn’t getting it.  Understanding was an idol for me!

As it ended up the medical concern was valid and serious.  I’m writing this in the hospital, sitting next to my young son who had brain surgery 4 days ago!

Looking back I see that God couldn’t have told me that this would happen.  I wouldn’t have been able to handle it!  He was preparing me.  Peace was available that would have carried me into this trauma.  He was offering me peace that surpassed my ability to understand.  I didn’t see that then.

I have felt and seen His peace in these 6 days in the hospital.  It is so much better than understanding!  I’ve seen the truth of what God was saying.  What a courageous warrior this little man is!

I’ve learned a powerful lesson.  There is peace that is potent and great enough to transcend understanding.  I’ve known and experienced that truth before, but never as desperately as in this situation.  In order to access that peace I’ve needed to set aside my desire for understanding.  Understanding has its feet grounded in my mind and my mind cannot fathom the ways of God.  But God will speak to me of the future and what He is doing in it.  He will prepare me and bring wisdom if I seek him for what He is saying and doing.  I’m laying down my idol of understanding and living by what I hear without trying to understand what’s next.  I have found a better peace!