Purpose & Resolve

 

I have always been a writer. I enjoy writing. I have journaled, written poetry, speeches, essays, reflections and narratives. I have always loved to write. As a young girl one of my dreams was to write children’ books. In college I wrote poems regularly as a way of processing the conflicting emotions and changes in my life. I wrote my book over the course of more than 7 years and for the first few years I wouldn’t have said I was writing a book.  I was just writing. I have always written; it just flows naturally. Even when I wasn’t trying to write on a regular basis, I would write and tuck poems, reflections and stories away in journals and notebooks.

It was during the time that I was working on my book that I began to understand the transformation that was taking place inside myself. I was realizing that I had a message to share through my writing and that writing was more than something I could do, it was a part of who I AM. It is one of my purposes,  part of the fabric of who I am. I love the times that I feel inspired to write and the words just flow like I hear someone telling me what to write. But I also enjoy the times when I labor over the words, the phrasing and crafting of a message. Even in the challenging times, I find it deeply rewarding.

I had been comfortable calling myself a writer because I am able to write, and I enjoy writing. I began writing a book because I realized that I had a message I wanted to share. In the process of writing my first book, I discovered that sharing myself and my message through words is one of my purposes in life. At first, I connected the title of author with publishing a book. But then, as my understanding of my call to write grew, I became increasingly bold in my identity as an author. I do not call myself an author because I have published a book. Rather I have published a book, because I am an author. The order is crucial, especially in this season of my life. I have authored much more than one book.

The real challenge though is sharing my writing. It takes real resolve and intentionality to share what I write. Honestly, it is the hardest part; to open the pages I’ve written and invite other to read them. There is a distinct choice of vulnerability to publishing your writing. I often wonder why people read what I write or what their response is. Is it making any real difference? Sometimes I receive feedback and occasional comments, other times nothing at all. I treasure the times when someone shares how a piece I’ve written has impacted their thinking or how it’s brought about a response or action within them. There have been times when the lack of response has been discouraging, other times where the presence of a response hasn’t had any impact on me whatsoever.

Sometimes I write for others; to share a different perspective, to challenge a predominate thought or point out a place of tension. But more often I write for me. I write what I’m thinking about, what is challenging me, how I’m growing and learning or what I’m feeling. I find that writing helps me process and solidify my thoughts. I love to write reflections on scripture or aspects of God’s character. I enjoy telling stories from my childhood or finding ways to connect current events or observations to things I remember from the past.

For a little more than a year I have been intentional about sharing my writing more regularly. It is a discipline and I am growing in it. I want to become a better writer and become increasingly comfortable in not just writing, but sharing my writing. Right now, the vehicle for sharing writing is this blog and linking it to my author page on Facebook. That may change in the future as I have the time, resources and ability to do something new. I challenged myself at the start of 2023 to post a new piece on my blog each week. I didn’t make that goal, but I averaged more than twice a month, which is a lot more than I’ve ever done before. I have pushed myself to write more often and to give more of my focus to writing. I have tried to write different styles of pieces and on a variety of topics. A couple of times I’ve written on a topic someone has requested, that was a new challenge, and brought a new sense of reward. There have been times in the year where I found it easy to write and other times where I labored at it; times when I couldn’t type fast enough to keep up with my mind, and times where I couldn’t write more than a few lines.

For the coming year I want to continue to write, to regularly carve out the time to reflect and write. Writing takes time and energy, but also requires mental space, rest and determination. Unlike so many of the roles I fill (mom, wife, pastor, leader, etc.) there is no outside demand or accountability on me as a writer. The motivation and accountability rests solely on me. If I am going to continue to grow and develop as a writer and author, I need to pursue it, invest myself and give it my best.

My goals for this year continue to be to write weekly and share as close to once a week as possible. I want to write for the joy of writing and for the reward of staying faithful to what I feel called to do. I don’t want to pay too much attention to the number of comments or the number of views on any given post. While I am so grateful for the friends that I have that are faithful readers, who encourage me and cheer me on, I need to stay motivated by my purpose and my heart. And so, if you have read this far, allow yourself to feel my gratitude for you and your interest in my writing. I appreciate your time and intentionality. This has been good for me to reflect on my resolve to publish my writing and to re-define my purpose in doing so.

Each of us fills many roles and are capable of doing many things. But I find that when we take time to reflect on why those identities, those roles, are so critical to us, our sense of satisfaction and fulfillment will increase. We act from who we are and what we do is meant to reward our sense of purpose. Each of us is deserving of that reward and sometimes we miss it only because we are so busy doing, that we lose sight of the motivation and heart behind our actions. Let me encourage you to take time to reflect on the identities you have and the purpose beneath them.