Hope Victorious

“Waiting” is not one of my favorite words!   Who likes to wait?   I’ve been thinking about waiting recently….due in large part to the fact that my family and I are waiting for the birth of our baby!   His arrival is hopefully at least a few weeks off still, but could be up to 6 weeks away.   In the beginning the waiting isn’t hard.   But as it gets closer and the baby grows and is more ready to be born, it gets harder to wait.   I’ve made him a couple blankets; we’re getting his cradle, crib, clothes and necessities ready.   We’ve finally decided on his name!   He’s getting presents from family and friends.   It’s getting harder to wait. I was at a friend’s baby shower recently and another friend brought up the idea of how God has waited so long for a baby to be born.    She brought up the verses in Psalm 139 that speak so intimately of our creation.   “For you formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother’s womb.   I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfull

God’s been speaking to me about protecting my hope.   I encounter hopelessness in others and sometimes in myself.   Nothing inspires hopelessness like the conversations I end up having when people start asking detailed questions about my son’s brain tumor.   I fight to stay hopeful.   I was talking with someone last week about it and they were asking me if it was ok to share some of what was going on with others so that they too could be praying for my son.   As I answered I could feel that my response was a bit foreign to them.   I said it was alright as long as you emphasize what God IS doing, instead of just what is “wrong”.   As long as you talk equally about how courageous and amazing he is being in the midst of this.   As long as there is “equal or more” time given to the goodness of God in the journey and the hope that is sustaining us.   I went on to explain that Phil and I feel called to live in hope and we’ve got to protect that .   It can become wearisome to encounter the

Dates are a big deal to me; I mark a lot of dates on my calendar year after year.   Not just birthdays and anniversaries, but other significant dates as well.   Yesterday, September 17 th , for example is a BIG date for us.   Yesterday marks the 9 th year anniversary of the day we found out that we were pregnant with our first son!   It was the day I began to live out the dream I’d carried for years of being a mom! Phil and I met in the fall of 1992 at Sonoma State.   I was a freshman and he had just graduated and was on staff with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship.   We became good friends.   The story that chronicles our relationship turning from friendship to romantic is long and complex.   Phil loves telling the story, but remember every story has two sides and both should be heard….to be fair!    But during the summer of 1994 we began dating.   Phil was off staff by then and was pursuing overseas missions. I don’t have the date…although it’s written down somewhere in a p

This is one of those strange prophetic happenings that you could try to dismiss as a bizarre coincidence…but that would require more radical faith than believing that it did indeed mean something! Last Wednesday a brown dove sat on my doorstep for about 3 hours!   I was leaving for a doctor’s appointment when I saw a basket on the front porch.   When I reached for the basket I saw a bird sitting on the threshold of the door.   My hand was less than a foot from it, and it just sat there staring at me.   I stood there for a while….feeling like this was important…it meant something, but what?!    It was moving slightly, wasn’t dead, just so calm.   My son  yelled from the van, we needed to go, but I didn’t want to leave!   As we drove away I was aware of a knowing deep in me that the bird would be right there when we got home. The appointment went long and almost 2 hours had passed when we drove back up our driveway.   The bird was in the same place!   The boys and I got out to

The worship song “From the Inside Out” by Hillsong has been the theme of my time with God during this season.   I had a powerful revelation as a result of these lyrics on Wednesday:   “Everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades.   Never ending, your glory goes beyond all fame…..”   it is a song of surrendering all to worship and praise God.   I realized that in the midst of so many unanswered questions, fears, and uncertainties there were things I was sure of.   BIG things!   In a profound moment of clarity I saw my life as a book written from the day of my conception until the day of death ….I realized that it exists, God sees my life in its fullness.   And the truth hit me that I know some of what is written on the final page of my book.   I know the beginning of the book, the middle is important – it’s my life, I’m living it and so much is yet to be written, but there are some things that are even more certain than the unknown chapters, yet to be written.   Hope i

I wrote this on Saturday August 24 th while sitting in my son’s hospital room. One week ago I was craving understanding.   Our middle son, who is 6 years old, was facing some unanswered questions of a serious medical nature.   I prayed, listened for wisdom and perspective from God.   I was desperate for understanding! I didn’t get a word from God about the specific issues we were facing with our son.   I didn’t hear specific assurances about his future health or this current “threat”.   I did hear words about him as a person:  How courageous he is.   How God was adding courage to him and calling him to be stronger and bolder.   I was only mildly interested in this; it scared me to be honest.   Why did he need more courage?   What was going to happen that would require such an increase in courage? And I heard Philippians 4:7.   The context is about how God is near and we are to be anxious for nothing, but rather to bring thanksgiving and requests to God.   Then comes verse 7

Last month my family went camping in the redwoods near the Eel River in Humboldt County.   As we took our 3 boys for “hikes” and adventures in the forest, they were amazed at the size of the Redwood trees.   They loved finding ones that had been burned out so that they could crawl or even stand inside of them.   Our youngest son, 3 years old , was delighted with the “tunnel tree” that was just perfect for him to walk through.   T he eldest at 8 years old, was occupied with finding the best walking stick and climbing on the fallen trees.   Our  middle son, who has since the trip turned 6, was more quiet and observing during our walks.   One day at lunch he said a curious thing ; “I love how God made the redwood trees so fearless!   They aren’t afraid of anything!”   As I questioned him he revealed how they were not afraid of fire, of being partially burned up, or of growing so tall.   These were just obvious observations to him.   We had an interesting conversation about amazing tre

This is my new adventure...starting a blog.  It is a way to begin writing in the midst of my busy life.  Writing has been a secret dream of mine for as long as I can remember.  Recently it has become much less of a secret, as God has exposed that dream through prophetic words and encouraged me to take my dream and myself more seriously.  You can't just sit down and start writing your first book, can you?!  Well I can't, although Phil has encouraged me to do just that on multiple occasions.  This is my step of obedience, my risk....just to start.  To write my thoughts, revelations and insights.  To practice and see what happens.  I was going to name the blog "Pocket Change" because that's the title that first came to mind when I received yet another prophetic word about writing from my dear friend and pastor.  In the past the words have felt so big and far away....like it was a view into my distant future....lofty and ambitious, yet thrilling.  But it has been im