Belonging
The feeling of being known, welcomed and
accepted by others for who you truly are can create this wonderful feeling of
belonging. Belonging carries a feeling of comfort and security, as well as a
growing confidence that comes from knowing that you are not alone. When you
feel that you belong within a group, team, family…any group, there is a strength
and boldness that comes from your individual identity being part of a greater, corporate
identity. You belong to something
greater, with others who share things in common with you. There is a unity and safety that increases within
the atmosphere of companionship. This is belonging.
The desire to belong is a core part of
our humanity. We are relational, interdependent beings. There is great reward
to be gained by the connections we make that unite us with others.
Like most good things in life, there is an extreme degree that exploits the goodness in a quality and turns it into something perverse and sinister. True “belonging” is not about control, manipulation or ownership. Fear can rob all the goodness from love when it is used against a person for the sake of control. That is not belonging!
I have experienced that dark side of belonging, where I thought that in order to be loved and accepted, I needed to do all that was asked and demanded. I did it because I thought that was what I had to do in order to not be rejected. That is the opposite of belonging – the abuse and exploitation of belonging.
A confident freedom to express yourself is the product of belonging. Think of a child, growing up in a loving family, where they are wanted and well cared for. The child grows up expecting and assuming that they will be loved and accepted. They are free to try new things, whether they succeed at first or not, because they are not trying to earn or deserve the love they receive. Their innocence, of always expecting love, security and belonging has not been broken or betrayed. They feel pre-approved, pre-loved.
School-age children often play games where teams are chosen by peers. Wanting to be chosen first or within the first few is a universal desire! No one wants to be chosen last! We want to be sought after, wanted, valued… we want to belong.
Often as adults we have minimized our desire to belong. We’ve weathered the hurt and disappointment of not being chosen, of being betrayed or taken advantage of. We’ve narrowed our view, reduced our expectations and quieted our hopes. Maybe we’ve settled. Maybe we are content.
Recognizing where you feel that deep security of belonging is a powerful thing! Being aware and grateful for those you know and love, who love you well in return can fill you with an increasing contentment. So often we tend to focus on negative emotions, giving voice to what is lacking and difficult. There is so much reward to be gained by focusing on what is present and beneficial.
Speaking words of belonging is powerful. Tell a friend or family member how grateful you are for their impact in your life. Give voice to the way you see your life interconnected with those around you. When we speak love, identity, life and reward, these things increase in us and in those we are speaking to. When belonging is recognized and enjoyed, it increases and spreads! You strengthen others, even as you are strengthened.
Like most good things in life, there is an extreme degree that exploits the goodness in a quality and turns it into something perverse and sinister. True “belonging” is not about control, manipulation or ownership. Fear can rob all the goodness from love when it is used against a person for the sake of control. That is not belonging!
I have experienced that dark side of belonging, where I thought that in order to be loved and accepted, I needed to do all that was asked and demanded. I did it because I thought that was what I had to do in order to not be rejected. That is the opposite of belonging – the abuse and exploitation of belonging.
A confident freedom to express yourself is the product of belonging. Think of a child, growing up in a loving family, where they are wanted and well cared for. The child grows up expecting and assuming that they will be loved and accepted. They are free to try new things, whether they succeed at first or not, because they are not trying to earn or deserve the love they receive. Their innocence, of always expecting love, security and belonging has not been broken or betrayed. They feel pre-approved, pre-loved.
School-age children often play games where teams are chosen by peers. Wanting to be chosen first or within the first few is a universal desire! No one wants to be chosen last! We want to be sought after, wanted, valued… we want to belong.
Often as adults we have minimized our desire to belong. We’ve weathered the hurt and disappointment of not being chosen, of being betrayed or taken advantage of. We’ve narrowed our view, reduced our expectations and quieted our hopes. Maybe we’ve settled. Maybe we are content.
Recognizing where you feel that deep security of belonging is a powerful thing! Being aware and grateful for those you know and love, who love you well in return can fill you with an increasing contentment. So often we tend to focus on negative emotions, giving voice to what is lacking and difficult. There is so much reward to be gained by focusing on what is present and beneficial.
Speaking words of belonging is powerful. Tell a friend or family member how grateful you are for their impact in your life. Give voice to the way you see your life interconnected with those around you. When we speak love, identity, life and reward, these things increase in us and in those we are speaking to. When belonging is recognized and enjoyed, it increases and spreads! You strengthen others, even as you are strengthened.
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