Reflecting on 50 Years

 

Wisdom for Life:

1.     Make sure that YOU interpret your circumstances – don’t let your circumstances interpret who you are

2.     You are never too old to learn and never too young to teach. Live like you are always a student. Learn from the people around you, the circumstances, and what you witness and hear.

3.     “Busy” is a choice, an attitude – not a function of time. I decided to stop saying “I’m busy”  The truth is this: my life is full of good, meaningful things, most of which I have chosen. I am not a victim of my life or my schedule.

4.     You will find what you are looking for. Choose wisely.

5.     The world has some things in the wrong order:  Rest is not earned by work. It is much healthier to rest first and rest well so that you can work, achieve, and produce. Rest is a choice and should be prioritized.

6.     I have learned as much from the questions I have asked than from any answer I’ve ever received.

7.     Time – everyone has the same amount. How you spend your time is your choice. Learn to say “no” so that when you say “yes” you can be fully convinced and give it your all

8.     Generosity is not made possible by excess resources. IF you are not generous with your resources in lean times, you will not become generous when you have more. Generosity is a value that is expressed regardless of amount or access to resources.

9.     Common and normal are not the same thing. Just because something is common, doesn’t mean it is normal! (examples: depression, cancer)  Thank you Kris Vallotton

Truths that Have Helped Me Heal:

10. Time does not heal! Healing and comfort are a choice; intentional pursuits.

11. I am worth my own best effort! If I don’t give myself my best, I’ll have nothing to give those I love

12. Forgiveness is powerful and has benefits that extend far beyond the issue/relationship where hurt has occurred

13. Courage is not the opposite of fear. Courage is a decision; a response made in the presence of fear to continue and not be stopped by what could paralyze you.

14. I have learned and grown more from adversity and challenges than times of ease

15. Emotions are like a fire. You feel them, fuel them and they grow. Anger must be fed. Unforgiveness is fed. Likewise, joy, gratitude, love, and compassion are all fueled by our thoughts, words, choices, and actions. When experiencing repeated negative emotions; I ask myself: what am I doing that is feeding this cycle?  How can I stop that and instead begin to fuel the desired response?

16. Innocence can be restored! Even the most tragic circumstances can be redeemed.

17. Regret is toxic! Regret expands the pain of the past and erodes hope for the future. Work through places of regret. Forgive yourself and live from your past into your future with hope.

18. Beauty can be cleansing. It reminds us of restoration, possibility and divine order. Appreciate beauty around you; in nature, in people and in creativity. Let it feed your soul. The key is to take time to notice and learn, to feel and let the outside impact you on the inside.

My Favorite Questions (to ask myself):

19. Who adds hope to my life?  How can I encourage and show them gratitude?

20. When having a strong reaction: what part of this reaction is about me, not the other person or the circumstances?  How can I respond better and with less focus on myself?

21. Who are the voices of wisdom in my life?  How can I position myself to receive more from them?

22. What do I believe about this situation or relationship? What I believe will have a much bigger impact than what I do, think, or feel!

23. When feeling stuck or hopeless; what do I need to believe in order to have hope in this situation?  (thank you Steve Backlund)

24. What have I already decided about this? Don’t’ be quick to re-evaluate what you’ve already been convinced about.

25. “WHY?” is the most commonly asked question (by adults and children). Much insight can be gained by investigating the emotion that motivates you to ask “why”. (it is often fear) This information is of far greater value than the information you are asking about.

Wisdom for Love & Relationships:

26. Love is the truest agent of change and transformation. Love deeply – it hurts sometimes, but it also heals. Love is worth the risk!

27. Know how you best receive love and let yourself be loved

28. Love is a choice, a thousand daily choices. Love is a determined choice; at times easy and joy-filled, at other times a hard and costly choice.

29. Relationships with strangers can have a profound impact, family is not a function of genetics or proximity. Invest in people, develop a family – and receive love from those who love you well. Family is a choice!

30. Multi-tasking, while effective at times, communicates a lack of value for what you are doing.  If it is worth your time, then take the time and do it with excellence.

31. Investing in others makes me happy. Knowing I have something to offer. My goal is to always be teaching and mentoring while also always being in a relationship where I am being mentored.

32. Enjoy the times when a friend takes a risk to be vulnerable, to share something with you. Trust is a gift, an honor – allow yourself to receive it.

33. Celebration and gratitude build relationships. Look for reasons to celebrate the people around you.

34. Honest is truly the best policy. Kindness is key, but not telling the full truth initially causes bigger problems down the road.

35. Comparison, envy, and self-evaluation are all toxic to relationships and building trust. When feeling insecure or jealous turn your mind to gratitude; the change is quick and dramatic.

36. Insecurity is a wall that must be taken down from the inside (you/me) not by the words and love of others. We all want people to like us. But if we can’t even like ourselves, we will end up refusing the affirmation offered to us genuinely by others. A measure of self-love is required to love others and to receive love from others.

Concerning Faith:

37. Risk is how we advance and grow…take a risk, do what you feel inclined to do, even if you are afraid

38. Intuition – while I don’t always work out perfectly, I’ve had more regrets over not going with my intuition than listening to it

39. Faith is universal. We may not have faith in the same thing/person – but everyone has faith in something!  Many people have faith in their own ability

40. The true test of faith is when you are overwhelmed… can what you have faith in overwhelm what threatens to overwhelm you?

41. Believe what you believe! Doubt your doubts!  Don’t believe your doubts or doubt your beliefs

Wisdom Regarding Parenting & Kids:

42. Parenting is an amazing gift. It is also an enormous responsibility, a constant teaching/learning experience, and a school of being both humbled and empowered. Parenting is deeply rewarding, absolutely exhausting, and equally surprising.

43. Kids think literally!  Be careful what you say. I once took my 2-year-old son shopping for a sleeping bag. He was grumpy and defiant until I explained that I was not going to make him sleep in a plastic shopping bag!

44. Kids teach you constantly. I think I learn more from the questions my kids have asked me than I teach them by answering their questions.

45. Kids want you to play with them, not just watch them play

46. Playing together, and laughing together builds trust quickly. This is true of building trust with people of all ages.

47. Children ask questions for more than just the answers and not just to test our patience. They ask questions to establish their relationship with us and to see if we are listening. Answering them communicates value for their thoughts and capacity to understand and contribute. They are navigating their place in the world and want to see how we fit together.

Jewels of Truth re: People:

48. We are all capable of both good and evil. Pressure exposes what is within us and even the most amazing people are surprised by what can show up from within us when we are in pressure situations. Be quick to apologize when you show an ugly side of yourself.

49. Generosity is not limited to money. I am most impressed by those who are generous in heart and spirit. Those who live with a high value for others and invest themselves in them.  

50. If you listen long enough to anyone’s story, you will find a place of connection. But if you listen so that you find the first place of connection and then take over the conversation, neither you nor the person you are talking to will experience the reward of connection. Listen to people – truly listen. Listening takes time, focus, and the decision to know the person without formulating a decision or a response.