Emotional Hit-and-Run

Hurt can be like a hit-and-run accident. 

Sometimes the person who has hurt us never asks for forgiveness.  
Sometimes they don’t even acknowledge the hurt they’ve caused.
At times it is unintentional, a true accident. 
But other times it is not an accident at all, but rather a purposed act of violence.

Regardless of the presence of motive, sometimes we are left alone -  
        beaten and bleeding and the one who caused the pain is long gone. 
No relationship. No future.
No process or apology. 

There is no hope of restoration.

        Now sometimes that is just fine with us. I surely had no desire to continue a relationship with the guy who raped me!
        But what about the situation where you are hurt, and the relationship is severed, but it was a good relationship and you desperately desire that it be restored?!  

THAT kind of hit-and-run is a hard thing to forgive. The painful thing ended a good relationship and now the person is gone, no longer a factor.
But here we are, left alone in the bloody mess.

Do we have to forgive?

And how?

What if I don’t want to? What if I cannot?

I have been there…like the victim of a hit-and-run accident, running after them in hurt and anger shouting “Look what you have done to me!” Waving blood-soaked hands, “Do you even care that I am bleeding?”

Alone in pain

Alone in the process.

Even worse – I have witnessed this countless times in others, but most painfully, I have seen it in myself:
        We have been hurt and suffered whether it  be physical, emotional or both -
Anger, confusion, pain questions, each one rise and fall. Over time the waves get smaller. 

Forgiveness is hard and awkward and over time the need for it is forgotten.

The bleeding has stopped, the wound seems healed.
But then something happens – sometimes it is years later
Maybe the same person or event
But maybe not  - it could be altogether different.
We are hit again! And this new pain awakens the previous injury.

The new fresh blood mixes with the old pain

But blood is blood and pain is pain

It hurts

And its like I’m sitting in a pool of bloody pain wanting to make it stop, trying to clean myself up, but not making any progress
        Those who caused it are gone 
And those who care can do nothing to help
        I am alone in my mess

Bleeding

Sometimes I want to forgive but don’t know how
Sometimes I don't want to forgive and I’m angry at the idea that I should
Sometimes I forgive and heal and get stronger
Sometimes I sit in the mess and cry hopelessly

Sometimes I wave my bloody hands, shouting angry words
Sometimes those words are true,
But even if it is justified my anger has no target
Forgiveness is hard when the person who injured you has

F L E D   T H E   S C E N E

And so I remind myself of all I’ve learned and experienced:

        I have forgiven what I thought I could not
        I have never once regretted forgiving someone
        I am not alone even when I don’t want to forgive. 

God is on the scene!

        God is near even in my refusal.
        All things are possible for me with God

Even in the bloody mess, I am not alone