Lonely Not Alone

 
Sometimes it is lonely to be me
No one quite understands
Even where there is “together” I can feel alone
    Together we parent
        But I am alone as mom of my boys
    Our marriage is us together
        But I am lonely at times as the wife of my dear husband
    In friendships, I am together
            So much at times I feel overwhelmed by the demand on me as friend
And yet I am lonely for someone to pursue me for me
 
I fight to stay focused outward –
    To not retreat, give up, or cry
    I answer the questions that are not asked
    I try - I keep going, keep giving, keep hoping
Rarely am I alone – I am surrounded by people
    They are almost always people that I love - And still, I am lonely
Lonely for someone to know the depths
    Hear the hardest things and just understand
    To sit with me in the grief and darkness
    To feel the sorrow and loss
    Not to rescue, solve, or pity
Sometimes I don’t need or even want strategies, answers or possibilities
    I just want to not be alone
    To feel the strength and security of “together”
    The warm assurance or a heart understood
    To share the heaviness of darkness while waiting for the dawn
 
Even in loneliness and shadows – I know that I am not truly alone
    Even within the restriction of my skin and thoughts, I am not alone
Dawn surely is coming – when this darkness will lift
    I will wait for it
    I will feel the rising light – warm on my face
    Filling me once more – faithful and sure
Spirit of life I breathe you in
    Peace is my portion I drink deeply
    I wrap myself in your love and draw you close
Even in loneliness – I am not alone
    Faithful and ever-present my God is truly alive
    He is near and drawing closer as I call
    His strength accompanies me
Faith leads me into the coming dawn of hope
Joy is my promise and I cling to it