The Question "Why?"

 

Our need to understand is huge, often it is a driving force in both conversations and prayers. Understanding gives us some sense of control, or at least we think it will.  Sometimes we ask “why” because we want to assign blame or at least establish our own innocence.
·       Why is this happening to me?
·       Why hasn’t this prayer been answered yet?
·       Why didn’t this happen?
·       Why did God allow this?
·       Why is this taking so long?
 
I often ask “Why”. I ask God “why” a lot because I believe He knows! I believe God has an answer to my “why” questions. Jesus tells His disciples to ask Him questions and we see He answered many of His disciples’ questions in scripture. The hardest part for me is that I seldom hear an answer to my “why” questions.
 
·       Why does my son have this medical condition?
·       Why have our prayers for healing gone unanswered?
·       Why has so much been demanded of him?
·       Why did this relationship end without resolution?
·       Why is my heart still in turmoil over this situation?
·       Why did my dear friend die when I, and so many others believed that she would be healed and live?
·       Why did my friend have to lose her baby before he was born?

Why?   Why?  Why?
 
I find that I ask “why” because I feel stuck and I think understanding will ease the pain and tension I feel. I want to know why and after a while of wanting to understand, I begin to believe that I NEED to KNOW WHY! I demand to understand!
 
The reality is that most, if not all of my “WHY” Questions have no real answer.
 
·       Often times understanding really wouldn’t help.
·       Sometimes I ask “why” because I don’t know what else to ask!
·       Sometimes, most often, what I am really wanting to say is: “I don’t like this at all!” “I want this to NOT be what is going on!”
 
A couple of years ago I decided to take a break from asking “why” in my prayers. I had noticed that not hearing an answer to my “why” questions was causing increased discouragement and frustration inside myself.
I had a revelation that if I wanted peace from God, I needed to surrender my demand to understand.  It really had become a demand and the fact that it was not being met was starting to impact my view of God. I realized that God never promised me that I would understand. In fact, in scripture, I see quite the opposite! His ways are not like our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9). But He does promise us a level of peace that exceeds our desire to understand.  I see this in Philippians 4:6-7 which reads: “do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
 
So, I surrendered my demand to understand. I set a boundary for myself. I committed to taking a break from asking any “why” questions in my prayer times. For one full year, I did not ask God “why?”.
 
It was very hard, especially at first. I don’t think I realized just how often I asked “why?” Being committed to not asking “Why?” forced me to process adversity differently. I found that I asked different questions of myself during that time:
·       What emotion is beneath my “why”?  Am I angry, sad, confused, afraid?
·       What do I believe about myself, God and the situation?
·       What am I really wanting and needing right now? Is it that I feel I need to understand, or do I really want comfort or peace? 
 
One of the biggest things I learned during this time was that often I was seeking to understand when what I really wanted was to know and believe that God understands me. When my “Why” questions went unanswered, I often felt alone.
 
Finding that God sees, knows and understands me brought so much ease to the tension I would experience in adversity. The comfort of feeling understood and loved was often enough to overwhelm the part of me that wanted to understand the reason for things.
 
I found new questions to ask God about the difficulties I was facing:
·       What are you saying to me in this situation?  What are you doing inside of me?
·       Are there things I need to surrender in order to access the fullness of your peace?
·       What aspect of your character do I need to focus on in this time?
·       How can I trust you more in this area? 
·       How have you been preparing and equipping me to face this time in my life?
 
I found that these questions reinforced my faith and I almost always heard answers to them, whereas I often heard silence in response to my why questions. Sometimes in the past I would ask God “WHY” and in response I would have a sense of His great love for me or I would hear a promise from scripture. That would frustrate me because I was asking for understanding and not reassurance. But once I surrendered my demand to have an explanation for “why”, I was deeply satisfied by the things I heard from God. The assurances of His presence and power increased my faith. I found a depth in connection that encouraged me and filled me with peace. My trust in God increased dramatically.
 
During my break from asking “why”, I discovered that I trust God more than I thought I did. I think in the past I was asking “why” so that I could understand and then base my trust on what I would hear. Without being conscious about it, I was actually putting my trust in the answer, not in God. I would ask my questions and then wait for the answer. I was only listening for the answer to my question; an explanation for the “why”.  Once I gave myself freedom from needing to understand, I was also free to trust the character of God, the person of Jesus and Holy Spirit. I trusted Him without hearing an answer. I trust Him before I ask and I trust Him as I go to Him. I trust when I hear an answer and I trust when I hear only silence.
 
I came across this quote in a book I read recently: “Sometimes we have to live the question, not push for the answer.”  Abraham Verghese in The Covenant of Water
 
That is a good summary of what I experienced in that year of abstaining from asking “why”. I became comfortable within the questions and uncertainty. I found myself and God in new ways within the lack of understanding. Most of all, I discovered new and deeper levels of peace.
 
I want God more than I want His answers. I want the heart and presence of God. With God there is access to all He possesses, and that is far greater than understanding. Understanding is pale in comparison to peace! When I am filled with peace, I have little interest in asking “why”.