"Wait.....Should I?"

 

How often do you hear “should”?  People like to tell us what we should do.  For that matter, we like to tell ourselves what we should do as well.  The experience of “should” is rather common and familiar to us.  Think of your last 24 hours; how present was the pressure of what you should do? How should you feel? How you should respond?  The word “should” has a feeling of pressure or expectation.  Often the pressure is tinted with the fear of falling short. Sometimes to get the sense of a word, it is helpful to compare it to a different word.  Compare “should” to “could” in your mind in this moment.  How does it feel different when someone tells you what you could do?  When you consider what you could do, how you could feel or how you could respond to a specific situation.  “Could” doesn’t carry the same feeling as “should”.  “Could” speaks of options and permission to choose.  Those feelings are not really present in the statements of “should”.

I believe it is of great value to slow down and consider what is really going on when we are under the pressure of “should”.  When you are told; whether by yourself or someone else, that you should think, feel, respond or act in any specific way – ask yourself the question; “should I?”

Sometimes something is necessary.  Perhaps you or I truly should do or feel a certain way.  But other times the thing that is coming under the pressure of expectation (should) is, in fact, not necessary.  In that case, we have a choice!  We could, but we also could not!  No one likes to do something out of compulsion or coercion.  Being forced to do something robs the potential joy or reward from the decision.  So, when you are feeling that you should do something – ask yourself “Do I need to?” or  “Is it necessary?”.

Another good question to ask, when encountering “should”, is “Do I want to?”.  Sometimes we think or feel a sense of pressure or obligation that we should do something, but we actually don’t want to.  If we go ahead and do whatever it is we think we should, if is often done begrudgingly or with a sense of resentment.  This also results in us feeling less reward and joy in the action or decision.  Getting clarity within yourself of whether or not you truly want to do whatever it is will lead to a much healthier decision than responding simply to the pressure of “should”.

When we decide what to do in a healthy way our decision has the potential to bring us joy and contentment.  Decisions made out of compulsion or resentment lack joy and satisfaction.  All of us want to feel good about our decisions and our actions. We typically have good reasons for what we do,  as well as what we don’t do.  It can be very liberating to get out from under the pressure of “should”.  There is a big difference between doing something out of obligation and deciding for yourself to do something because it is necessary.  Making a healthy decision allows you to reap the satisfaction of doing what was needed and important.  To decide for yourself to do something because you want to, because you have good reason for it is also healthy. That too brings satisfaction, joy and peace. 

The next time you experience that pressure of “should”, wait a moment and examine your choices.  Ask yourself:  “Do I need to?”  and “Do I want to?” This will bring clarity to both your options and your motives.  I believe it will both allow you to make a healthier and better decision AND perhaps even more importantly, it will allow you to reap the reward of those good decisions.