"Onion Analogy” - My Version

The “onion analogy” has long been used in various counseling applications.  With its many layers, the onion symbolizes the journey towards healing and wholeness.  You work through one layer and discover another.  The “peeling back of layers” has been used to describe the process of discovering one’s true identity and the roots of various issues that a person deals with.  As you go deeper in discovery, one layer at a time, you find and deal with the source or deeper reason for reactions, behaviors, feelings, etc.

As a survivor of trauma and sexual abuse, who has seen various kinds of counselors over the years, I have heard about “the onion”.  I understand the picture and its purpose, but honestly, I have despised the onion analogy!  From the first time I heard it and every time for years following, it was depressing and defeating.  To me it sounded like a torture sentence:  the forecast of my future is layer after layer of working through pain and the effects of trauma.  Once some degree of healing is reached in one area, another “layer” is exposed and the heartache begins anew.  It sounds torturous when stated that way!  Endless layers of pain, processing and trying to heal only to discover another layer, another place where my current reality is negatively affected by the deep roots of trauma in my past.

Several years ago I made peace with “the onion”.  A friend of mine, trained as a life coach, was helping me work through my response to a medical crisis in my family.  As we processed the reasons I was responding the way I was, they referred to the “onion analogy of inner healing”.  My anger flashed and out came the years of pent-up emotion towards my version of this “ so-called helpful” illustration.  I obviously had peeled back another layer!  Onions make me cry!  That day I was crying angry tears of pain and hopelessness.

After working through my anger and annoyance, I had a shift in my thinking that changed my perspective.  In the midst of all the ways I have faced pain, loss, fear and anger in my years of healing I have found new strength and resolve inside myself.  I have found that the trauma and healing I have experienced have transformed me as a person.  As I reflected on this reality, I saw the classic onion analogy from a different perspective.  Peeling back each layer of pain has revealed a new layer of strength and beauty in me.  I have discovered that I have been formed in good ways by my process of recovering from the abuse I experienced as a teenager.  I have a deep well of mercy and compassion within me that has impacted many people, close friends as well as more distant acquaintances.  I have a determined hope and willingness to persevere through difficulty, believing that difficulties can and will be resolved and peaceful.  I have had to fight for the healing and freedom I now live in, so I have a great capacity to encourage and support others.  These are just a few of the ways I see a positive transformation in my life. The new version of the onion analogy that formed in my mind was much more hopeful and encouraging  than the former version.

The original version felt to me like a torture sentence, never-ending layers of pain needing to be resolved, only to reveal yet another layer.  That onion made me cry!  By contrast, this new version that was forming was full of hope.  Facing and working through the various layers of pain from my past revealed a new layer of strength and compacity within myself.  The endless layers symbolize the never-ending ways that I will experience transformation and healing.  My capacity to love and be loved increases, my strength and freedom increase with each layer of pain that is resolved, revealing new growth and potential. 

The tears I cry as consider this version are different tears.   Bittersweet is a fitting word for them.  More than anything I wish that I had not experienced the abuse I endured.  I wish that rape and sexual abuse were not part of my story!  There will always be sorrow and pain in me as a result of that time.  But I have experienced so much healing and restoration!  ….and I believe that there is still more to come.  I believe that the process of discovering strength and healing in the places of pain and abuse is a life-long journey.  I have the choice to look ahead at that journey through the eyes of pain or through the eyes of hope.  When I choose hope, I am empowered to view the remaining layers of my recovery from abuse, as a journey into greater strength, freedom and wholeness. 

My version of the onion analogy causes bittersweet tears.  Pain is never easy to face, but I have experienced the reward and found it more than worthwhile.  These tears are hopeful tears, grateful tears, the kind that bring a release that makes room for being refreshed.  I know I’ll never be done discovering ways that my abuse has shaped me, but I also know that my journey of growing and becoming stronger, more powerful and more whole is also far from over.  I am no longer tortured or depressed by the forecast of my healing journey.  My future is bright with promise and I am confident that I will continue to discover new ways to be free and empowered. I am willing to receive what is coming, believing that it will strengthen me, layer by layer.