Now, I Build Bridges

Friendship can be painful!  When a close friendship has been severed and seems irreparable, I have been tempted to become angry and defensive.  The truth is that the pain of the loss, is evidence of love.  In response to the pain of loss and betrayal, it can seem good to build a wall of protection and safety.  This wall will insulate me from further hurt and loss.  This is what I have told myself, because I didn’t want to be hurt again.  The wall provides a sense of security and identity.  On my side of the wall, I could feel secure in my part of whatever happened.  I could reassure myself of being “right” and place blame on the other side of the wall, far from me.  On my side of the wall I could establish myself, my story and my expectations.  I found security in being the decision-maker.

I have built a lot of walls in response to pain in my life.  However, the security and protection I have found within those walls has been short-lived and costly.  Walls isolate and insulate without discrimination. Pretty soon the wall built for good purposes, has become a barrier to further friendship, love and companionship.  Within my walls I was left lonely and discouraged.

And so now, I build a bridge instead.

In the places where friendships have been severed and there exists a chasm between me and the one I am now isolated from; I build a bridge.  A bridge allows for the possibility of re-connection.  I create an opening, where I am willing to re-establish trust and friendship.  I forgive and in some cases I need to forgive over and over again in order to stay tender in my heart.  I do not defend myself or feed my anger and hurt.  I stay willing to own my part and create space within myself to hear their version of the story; should they ever meet me on the bridge.

Doing these things, building a bridge like this – is a risky endeavor.  Building a bridge increases hope and longing.  I have bridges built towards friends in my past that I am committed to maintaining.  It is a risk because there is no guarantee that they will ever approach or be willing to meet me on my bridge. 

But I would rather live with a little pain and disappointment, because I am hoping for more, than to return to my habit of impenetrable walls.