Hope Victorious

  I see you Even the places where you hide from others The loneliness and sorrow you have tucked away Behind your determined smile – Beneath your hopeful words I see your disappointments I hear the questions that rise up from their loss I hear your secret longings and the places of wondering how it might have been I see you and I know you I see how you keep trusting and moving Even when you are afraid, unsure and feeling small I see you hoping and finding the smallest joys I see your effort – Your persistent determination But I also see your weariness - the fear that lurks below I see you   -   I know you I know you feel alone It is understanding that you desire most To be listened to carefully To be remembered and thought of in the details Surprised by compassion – Celebrated with joy You too are worth the time taken, the choice to slow down You are worth the words spoken, repeated again, and even again You are treasured and valu...

The “onion analogy” has long been used in various counseling applications.  With its many layers, the onion symbolizes the journey towards healing and wholeness.   You work through one layer and discover another.   The “peeling back of layers” has been used to describe the process of discovering one’s true identity and the roots of various issues that a person deals with.   As you go deeper in discovery, one layer at a time, you find and deal with the source or deeper reason for reactions, behaviors, feelings, etc. As a survivor of trauma and sexual abuse, who has seen various kinds of counselors over the years, I have heard about “the onion”.   I understand the picture and its purpose, but honestly, I have despised the onion analogy!   From the first time I heard it and every time for years following, it was depressing and defeating.   To me it sounded like a torture sentence:   the forecast of my future is layer after layer of working through pa...

I have heard it said – And honestly, I’ve found it true You find what you are looking for   Problems, Frustrations, Countless reasons to worry Never hiding; they are easy to find! Grounds for anger, Hurt feelings, Sadness, even Depression Any day – Everyday – even several times a day   But if you try, you will find Beauty is just as easy to see Look for smiles, Listen for laughter, Feel the warmth of the sun on your face Watch for kindness, Compassion, a Word of wisdom Courage, Joy, Love and Wonder When you’re looking – You will see them Any day – Everyday – even several times a day   Me – I’m looking for joy and flowers – for love and laughing children I’m looking for kind words softly spoken, the tenderness of a friend For old dreams coming true, New dreams born on the wind of promises I hold dear I’m looking for growth to celebrate, reasons to hope For healing and new life Any day – Everyday – even several times a day   I am finding the joy, I’m looking for! ...

For me, being understood is one of my greatest desires in friendship.   Equally as strong is my desire to understand the other person.   Understanding requires listening carefully, asking good questions, considering verbal and nonverbal communication. But getting to a point of understanding is not always easy.   I am willing to work, to persevere through misunderstanding, hurt and frustration to get to a place of resolve.   The worst thing for me in friendship is feeling the distance of misunderstanding and unresolved pain. I realize that I am often dependent on understanding in order to experience peace in relationships.   I rely on feeling understood by someone and feeling like I can understand them to feel anchored and secure in our friendship. Agreement is not nearly as strong a need in me.   I am not threatened, nor do I feel that friendship is weakened by disagreement, as long as there is mutual understanding of both points of view. The greatest c...

     My love for you is fierce and unyielding; nothing tames it’s strength You are a wonder to me – I am so grateful for the gift of you in my life Loving you has changed me, formed me into who I am and yet we are still growing and discovering life together Your years of dependence on me were a treasured gift and yet a great challenge I poured myself into you and still there is so much I have to give you Your growing independence stretches me and thrills me at the same time There is much you can and will do for yourself My greatest hope is that you continue to find strength, love, acceptance and wisdom flowing from me to you No matter how big and strong you are, and will become The love and hope I have for you will be greater still I wish you adventure Experiences that teach you and fill you with awe and wonder Adventure that grows you more fully into who you are destined to be I wish you companionship and friendship You are a leader and will always find it easy to have f...

  Respair is an old and seldom used word, coined from two Latin roots meaning “again” and “hope.”   As a noun,  respair  means “the return of hope after a period of despair.” As a verb,  respair  means “to have hope again.”   What a beautiful word! We all experience times where our hope becomes weary or slight.   We may have seasons of hopelessness and despair.   Respair is the opposite of despair. Respair is fresh hope; a recovery from despair.   I believe that hope is a choice, not just a feeling.   I find that in times of life when I feel hopeless, I can turn towards hope.   It is not striving, trying to work up a feeling of optimism.   Rather, it is a determined choice to turn towards something greater that brings me hope.   It is a choice of focus and pursuit. I may have hope in my ability or in someone else’s.   Instead of continuing to rehearse all the ways things are going wrong or not working out, ...

Friendship can be painful!    When a close friendship has been severed and seems irreparable, I have been tempted to become angry and defensive.    The truth is that the pain of the loss, is evidence of love.    In response to the pain of loss and betrayal, it can seem good to build a wall of protection and safety.    This wall will insulate me from further hurt and loss.    This is what I have told myself, because I didn’t want to be hurt again.    The wall provides a sense of security and identity.    On my side of the wall, I could feel secure in my part of whatever happened.    I could reassure myself of being “right” and place blame on the other side of the wall, far from me.    On my side of the wall I could establish myself, my story and my expectations.    I found security in being the decision-maker. I have built a lot of walls in response to pain in my life.   However, the ...